One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
