So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize