I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
check it out our google latitudes are spooning
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
