wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
