I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize