had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
my sisters under your porch take her home
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
