if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Randomize
