He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
