Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
you made out with another girl for some wings
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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