I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
