Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
