its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I stole a fireplace last night.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Congratulations! We have a period
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