PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
