she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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