im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Holy shit dude........stairs
Randomize
