almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
