He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
