dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
