what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Your dad touched me again.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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