note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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