i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
