Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
