Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Randomize
