You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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