its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
