we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Randomize
