if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
