youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
