guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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