holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize
