i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
