i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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