it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
