I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
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