i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Randomize
