My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Randomize
