you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Randomize