Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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