The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
i think i just lost a toe
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
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