i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
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