I'm so fucking centered right now
Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Randomize
