And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
