I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
