Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
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