What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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