Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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