Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
