At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
