My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
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