i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Randomize
