so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
