i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
