I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
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