Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
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