i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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