this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I AM VODKA MAN
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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