How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
