I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
