Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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