I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
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