just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Randomize
