u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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