The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
where are my eyebrows?
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
