i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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