she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
im six kinds of drunk right now
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
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