new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
