Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
