This girl is more easily done than said...
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
