I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
