I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
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