I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize