You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
I love having hate sex.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Randomize
