yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
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