no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
