We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
