I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
