Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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