Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
