Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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