They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
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