what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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