I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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