he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
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