so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Randomize
