at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
