its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
