So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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