My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
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