we have pet lesbian snakes
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
