i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Randomize
