My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
You've changed since you got that strap on
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
Randomize
