How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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