I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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