No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
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