was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize