My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
