i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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