that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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