why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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