I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
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