I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
