i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
