Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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