So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Randomize
