Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
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