they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Randomize
