Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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