grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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