If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
